My Life in Valencia

I know it’s been a while since I last posted, and the first time since I arrived in Valencia. I am not going to apologize (one of you has taught me not to do so 🙂 ) but my absence is explainable. Some of you already know, that my dear dad passed away over a month ago now. As you will read, it happened very suddenly and so it has taken me a little bit to get settled here in Valencia. This was not how I wanted to start my first posts when I arrived but it was a little hard to write for a while. Now I am back and I promise to write more about my time here and much more frequently. I have been having a wonderful time settling in to life at Berklee and Valencia in general and have a lot to share! But I feel I would be remiss in not posting about Dad because his loss has been a huge impact. So this post is in memory and in honor of him. Love you dad!

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In the field of international education/study abroad, we have a saying that I often use with my students, “Expect the Unexpected”. Studying abroad and living overseas is filled with unexpected delights in discovering a new place and culture but it often can also can have its unexpected challenges that push us to discover our inner strength in dealing with these challenges. No matter how much you plan and try to anticipate some of the obstacles in moving to a new culture, certain things are just out of your control. When I moved to Italy in 2001 the challenges started right from the beginning: my apartment mate and I were robbed while we were sleeping on the second night we were there (a story for another time for those who don’t know it) and two weeks later, 9/11 happened. Of course these things happen when not moving overseas but there is something about dealing with these challenges far from home that is unique. It pushed our small teacher expat community to lean on each other and we formed strong bonds and friendships that exist still to this day even though we live all over the world.

This time around I knew that moving overseas was going to be filled with challenges, but what I didn’t expect was that it would happen so soon after I got here. A day after I arrived to Valencia, my dad went into the hospital and was diagnosed with an incurable and fast progressing lung disease. A week after I arrived, and 2 days after I started work, I found myself going home to spend, what I now know became the last few days of his life. Those days in the hospital were some of the most heart wrenching days for all of us, and yet I feel so blessed that I was able to get home to spend that time with him and say goodbye. Although completely different from what I dealt with when I moved to Italy, what was similar was the deep sense of community that I felt through this all. My mom, brother and I were (and still are) struck by the amazing outpouring of love and support that everyone has shown (and continues to show) as well as how much an impact my dad made on so many people from family, to friends, to business colleagues and even the staff in the hospital. One of the nurses told me that he had a special place in her heart as he did for so many of us. My dad demonstrated such courage, grace, gratitude, love and even humor right to the end, and everyone knew it.

My dad was someone who could sometimes be misunderstood because of his quiet, low key demeanor and very sarcastic sense of humor. Some people didn’t know what to make of his sense of humor and thought he was serious. But those who knew him knew that he was joking– especially once he flashed his big smile and you saw the twinkle in his eye. Although he may have seemed complex he was actually pretty simple in all the best ways. To him, family always came first and he instilled in me the importance of family, no matter what. He was extremely generous and kind-hearted and one of the most unselfish people I have ever known. He was also very pragmatic, sensible, and realistic. People listened when he spoke. Business colleagues and friends respected his amazing business sense and his ability to give very good advice. He loved all sports as well as classical music, musical theater, and especially opera. On a weekend you could often find him either watching sports or listening to his favorite opera or classical music with his eyes closed, just listening and loving every note. To me he was always extremely supportive of everything I did, even (and especially) this last move to Spain. More than anything dad wanted me and the rest of his family to pursue what made us happy. For me he knew that meant living overseas again. Although it was really hard for me to leave him in the first place, and to even come back here after he passed, I was able to do so because I knew that is what he wanted for me. I think of dad and miss him every day. Sometimes I am still in denial, thinking that he will still be waiting for me when I get home. But I know that he is with me in spirit everywhere I am, especially at the Palau des Arts., smiling down with that beautiful twinkle in his eye.

A week after dad died, our whole extended family gathered for the first time in years at our home in Wilton. It was such a blessing to be able to all be together sharing our favorite memories and helping each other cope with this huge loss. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me and my whole family. Like when I was in Italy, it is because of everyone’s love and support that has helped us get through this. A special thank you to the nurses and doctors who took care of him to the very end as well as to my new community here in Valencia. From my family away from home, Vivian and Beat to everyone at Berklee Valencia….I couldn’t do this without their support. I am so very blessed to have so many people here and back home supporting me and my whole family. Thank you all!

Now that I am back, I promise to try to be better at posting more regularly. My dad would not want me to dwell but rather he would want me live my life to its fullest and experience all that Valencia has to offer. So far I have loved Valencia and I know I will be happy here even though being away from my family and friends is difficult. I miss you all. Stay tuned for more pics and stories about my time here. There is a lot to discover.